if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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