Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
