i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
