he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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