New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize