Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Alive.
So much puke
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
