So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
