thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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