but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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