Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
