kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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