so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
