Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Boobs speak an international language.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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