He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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