wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
