You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
