since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
