20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
