Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
