i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
