You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
