Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
