I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
