One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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