I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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