Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
