I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
