3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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