I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
