No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize