can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
