dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize