I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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