I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
