did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Alive.
So much puke
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
