Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
