My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
