she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
