I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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