do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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