I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As shirtless as possible
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
