my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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