you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
