Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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