When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
