His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was born a porn star she said
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
try to milk me bitch
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