I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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