I'm going to jail i love you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
