were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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