very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
