Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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