i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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