Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
