my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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