Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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