Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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