im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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