so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
