Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
