I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
