I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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