so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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