im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
