he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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