there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
