I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
