There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
